The Insiders guide to travel

“If you don’t like the place, then go home mate.”

Those words still echo in my head after all these years. It was the early 90's. Seinfield one-liners were all the rage, a Kurt Cobain attitude was essential, and a goatee was the way to go. And here I was in the somewhat drab city of Zurich learning my second travel lesson in a pub called the Oliver Twist.

Multilingual show-offs were everywhere and I’d just stumbled across an Aussie. In a typical blunt manner I had been provided with one of my most significant pieces of travel advice. I nodded to my new friend, as his blue eyes starred right through me, and tried to look like I was contemplating what he’d just said, by stroking my goatee. Actually, I was wondering whether I should have another large beer or not.

A year earlier I’d left my mates behind in a small coastal town in northern New South Wales, Australia. I still remember the day clearly. As I was preparing to leave, an envious friend made a comment.

“You’ll be back in two months, nah… I give you one.”

I didn’t respond, I just pumped the accelerator and drove out of town in my van with a spray painted peace symbol on the front. Man, what a feeling of freedom I had as I looked into my barely attached, shaking rear-view mirror. The mirror made the town look abstract as it disappeared out of view.

A few months on the road and I couldn’t go any further north. So I did the logical thing. I sold my van, put all the money I had into an old biscuit tin and walked into the nearest travel agency.

“One ticket to Europe please!”

“Um, sir, what city would you like to go to?”

“Oh … (a quick look toward the map on the wall), how bout that one, Zu..rich, yeh that sounds good.”

Pouring the contents of my tin out and onto the bench I wryly thought, “back in a month hey?”

“I’ll show em.”

There are moments when you hear a statement and it just echoes in your ears. The first travel advice issued was, “you’ll be back”. The second, a year later, was ironically telling me to go back home. To be continued...Read Part 2 here.